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I’m done in, lond-don out and disillusioned by the incessant continuation of the droning landscapes of sheer bombardment & infertile language that is NOT high vibing and most definitely not of the truth. Its bonkers out there and so I just have reached the point of no return to the old ways and the good old patriarchal paradigm days.

Having to un-write my whole life because I began to question my whole identity connected to my external drivers, and then some with my earthly desires and easy convenient lifestyle from time to time, sitting on the fence, no longer happy to sit in the duplicitous divide and distraction techniquing views from secret top down shady deep state algorithms to confuse, keep us in a fear-based, poverty conscious consciousness and then the wielding propaganda celebs, monotheistic and other, double speak crossers and aligned to a low vibratory is called the great big hypnotic hyp to hide and gnostic, to know all, so we are under the swing band of a mass scale roll out of repetitive main line hookers, fixers, symptoms, paradigm culture that is highly destructive, ecologically horrifying and has left me stuck in this place. I have been utterly uninspired to write about what. I move in my day and feel my thoughts and feel my self amongst  the diatribe of mainlining propaganda drivel.

I hardly use Facebook anymore, just to flick in on my notifications,  keeping abreast with counter-culture groups and more individuals whom I relate on a wider quantum level for good news stories and a little adjustment as another news speak story is fobbed into the world of man.  In fact I would say, even my go to’s, that troubleshoot and do the work on my behalf are quiet. We are it would seem, going off the once big blazing trail seeking truth finding facts from under the parapet of controller v controlled and that many, including me, are no longer ranting and spewing out our own brand of truth that was once in-perceivable gobbledygook and conspirator mayhem, with the other side of the page being outed as fake news that is the Main stream  and the gobbledygook is feeling more appropriate as Trump, Brexit, the boring symptoms continue to fill up our lungs with chemicals, pollution, toxic food, pharma, subsidy rackets, quangos, traffic jams, stupid expensive nanny-State as we bend over backwards at the great big sell off of all things sentient all things spiritual and most important our relationship to the natural lore which have been hijacked by man-made law. We are being asked to choose but not what we think. Divide and conquer are not new. We are not the top of the food chain. There is much more out there and in comes in great big shudders, shifts, timelines, sleeping giants as deeper than the oceans on earth, further than our own cosmic milky way constellation, and that  cosmic lore is bound intricately with natural lore and devotional God heads.

Now I choose life in the essence of feeling joy, truth, momentum, alchemy, exploration, self discernment, self-awareness and my whole self is to steadily rise deeper to my soul in-doing and being so I gain new perspective and new horizons come through my way of thinking right from the off, that deals with love and compassion, integrity, understanding others as not the problem, but how one actually lives without always having indicators that point to shame and guilt, and that I have the sensibility to work out that all is not what it seems.

We are going through a huge earthly, cosmic, interstellar, configuration beyond anything we have been led to believe as non-sense. We are such creatures of habit, that we forget we are our own unique guiding lights towards pure potential and inner transmutation that each one is divined, potent and different.

When I went down that 2014 rabbit hole living with total eyes closed to eyes opening as I faced my behaviours, and stories.  I had the most amazing break through, apart from the obvious areas that required a huge eye-opening self responsible awakening, I also saw other threats that weren’t human, and in my darkest sojourn, I got to see I was full up of entities feeding off my gullibility, my sexual depravities, my being not taught to pierce the veils of the dark unseen, as I was uninitiated.

It came through all things synchronic and  utterly unbelievable but come they did. I realised that I had been probably from the beginning of the physical, material getting here in this heavy vibration, that I first held the keys to all that was and all that is. I saw that not only had I begun changing my inner vibration when I began my journey into the aspects of counter-culture and smoking pot, drinking alcohol and dropping my first trip in 1984 in The Moscow Arms, and by 7 am in the morning, or thereabouts, in that first squat on Wharfedale road, kings cross, that  I lived and shared with a bunch on New Zealanders and Steve, my then bf, that I had  a huge perceptive realignment with the way I had felt so robbed of those early years, and that I saw the split that shattered my whole perception of who I was and what I had used to keep me safe and in the knowledge that I could be tempted to another way and not what I had been taught by those enablers around me. In a nut my whole life apart from the constant vibrations of the honey bee’s buzzing, the birds singing, the flowers blooming, the wind soft, hard, glorious and yet these were and are still today my reason of being here at this time and bit by bit uncovering what is not of a good and gracious energy, and really digging up the whys, who’s, how’s of manipulation, war, greed, agenda new world ordering, illuminesque symbols, kiddy fiddling, mass declines in every part of nature, as we are battened and waved at from everything outside of ourselves, to keep playing the fiddlers tunes as he weaves his nicks and knacks for power, pestilence, duality, sideshows and utter fear to keep indigenous humans contained and agreeing to the occult of  I, the service to self, and that me, you, are all  are living under the massive hypnotic trance and discouragement to being truly honourable and brimming with potentiality that seeks the will of the divine and not the matrix fuelled fear fed machines with nasty levels dependent on how you play the games. We have been so distracted by materialism, powership, ownership, predatory and designed in a very disrespectful manner that is not human. That there are other levels of benign energy eaters that require your essence. I also in all of that throughout my life trajectory, have found that there is also a greater for good genuine code that is not the unseens, but the ancient lore of life here on earth. When we watch Attenborough on Blue Planet 2, we are in awe of the micro and macro worlds and the sentient beings that live in this world where we live. We are heartfelt, and we are humbled, and we begin to really look around our own world views for another way, the way of the Tao, or unfoldment of creativity and self-expression through self work. To do any good is not  to refuse all things that pertain our existence, but rather to allow all things to be, so long as the lore of nature is adhered to and that we respect our part as children of this part of the universe and that we remember our past.

And so I ran a life of chance meetings, codependent or rather, interdependent participating, interacting, with my huge hormonal emotional and physical, mental and spiritual drivers, every time I woke up a bit, I saw things that made me question and seek some resolves that weren’t just pushed into the barrel of a gun, and left fearing for own life.

I am honestly stuck beyond measure to now resolve the deepest aspects currently here. To stand up and fight the system by being in it? Or to keep creating the life I wish to live with all and sundry and have the character to create a really wonderful life with all its bells and whistles. By recognising false flags, staged distractions, my own distractions, chaos and lacks, and yet I knew I was on to recognising through my own defects, that a time of man’s great hijacking of his truisms to his own wellbeing and his own abilities to adapt to what his immediate environment.

When I dropped that LSD I had no idea that the cosmos was so cosmic and so allowing for me to look like a kid watching their story narrated and told by a little big part of all the human stories, that we have to have concrete foundations filled with fertility, diversity and biology to grow our food and to receive our highest goodness for ourselves. To be able to feel a goddess like attraction, and that we are not what we thought. Just now in my life, I am so disillusioned by absolutely all the avenues that are out there transmitting their glorious messages, their meaning of life, their versions of what is good and what is evil and yet I am so fucking disillusioned by the peerage  system, the state, the government, the council tax, the EU, the politics of lying. The way we hand it all over to be fucked. I don’t even have it in me to believe in the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn and all things red, blue, green, yellow, it’s all the same story of them and us, you and me, black or white, blue pill, or red pill,  living a story that was impinged not nurtured. And not only that, I was hooked line and sinker to love, bodily, embodiment and the assuredly that the counter-culture in the mid 80’s was alive and kicking. Class war marches, hilarious as my first jobs were in fashionable Holland Park, and to march with the banners of kill the bill and bash the rich was quite something and only in a year of being in london.I came to London as an live-in nanny and by the end of the year I was squatting, turning veggie and really having my first taste of another whole life that was interdependent upon the values, energy and ideas of those days. Thatcherism, Strikes, Privatisation and the beginning of the gentrification of the home owner and his kingdom.  We were all under the trance of the day which was firmly in my world , anarchy, self-rule and self discovery.

I was always insecure in London, always homeless, not on the street, but firmly in the appealing other feelings that were never to be about rooting down, marrying, staying with one man, and staying in one part of town. Of course I never knew this was my way of being in my life until I hit my 15th hundred rock bottom and yielded to NA nearly three years ago. It gave me space to work out how I arrived where I arrived and what I could do about it. I worked the steps and I came out of another conundrum, how living in the steps in another form of enslavement and agreeance by systemic control. I even had a chat to someone about Monbiot being a shill for nuclear as after Fukushima disaster where he wrote that we cannot live without nuclear as a main energy supply base, a bit James Lovelock like.

What happened and how it shaped me is something I hold dear as the life-giving force of joy, and the feelings of breaking free from the constraints of greed, protecting whats yours, sticking in the same place with the same vibes with the same outcomes. I was a big wondering wander of that time and I wasn’t the only one. I have such great empathic and deeply nostalgic memories that rise up from the tranquillity of the mill pond, deep in the sand and mulch of fertility that has always been a constant. My total desire for all things to do with nature and the natural foremanships that are who and how we are in the great scheme of things. I was always in the idea of a higher god and a higher plane, heaven, earth, universe, planets, stars, oceans, and soils, trees and bees and all that is connected to a greater consciousness that holds higher truth and righteous meanings that is not held by greed and profit and people herding and using that psychological babble to keep the aliveness of a deathly atonement that dumbs us down to death shaming us with the same imagery of death, disease, starvation in the abstract world, and for us little people at the bottom of the pyramid, enslaved, entrapped by fear, self harming, self flagellation, as our whole entrenchment is on that vibration, the lower entity demonic land of unseens, feeding of you and me.

We are being fed lies, deceit, corruption, ecological distraction and mass dis-ease. I knew innately that through living that life that I did, underneath there was always something that kept me safe, kept me inquiring, asking, finding out things, I was outrageous and outraged by mass starvation, mass deforestation, mass sickness, homeless ness, waring, cutting, maiming and mining, terrorising, dividing, and on it went. I knew innately that somehow I was born to break free of the external drivers that had me licked, drugged up, fucked and codependent on the State via the dole, codependent on others, via my hormones, and ancestral knowing/unknowing, codependent on others for everything and yet I went along with it…highly sexed, highly intelligent, highly keen to find out why I was who I am. Of courser the hormone years were a tricky one to balance. I was sex and love mad and went on a personal crusade that pushed me over the tops, into very strange courses but ultimately those very same-sex love hormones kept me in the most protected place too, my soulular cells were activated by orgasms, excitements, adoration, politics, mainstream stuff, and human fragility most importantly. I was so obsessed with love and finding love through my body that I just didn’t really stop till my daughter was born and I was put into enforced containment to reflect on the life I had led up to that point.

My own early years were extremely cruel, and leaving home, rather forced out of the farm I grew up on, I was never safe there anyway, Aunty Binks made sure her game-plan was on course and I suppose I have her to thank for being cold and delivering a lot of broken hearts that really meant I kept breaking my own. The more I went on myself to self learning, it meant I had to keep breaking down, breaking the laws of man and waking up slowly, fast, slowly to arrive at a place where I sought help and I tried to rescue everybody that needed me. I was a high res resonant player. Upon stopping and upon self-reflection and upon the big rabbit hole period, I have been able to ascertain that I am no way any closer to what I am, and yet I feel never more closer to God, Goddess, Gaia, cosmic and catastrophic in this knowledge, this gnosticism, and my faith to feel whats true to my nature and to my self growth. I want to tell you all about this because I am readying myself for my work here. Shouting from the rooftops that humanity is not all that it seems, that we hold the keys to our own dramatic plays, words, feelings, relationships, scrutiny of the Stockholm syndrome mono-cropping and reductionism of mice and men. I see we are hooked on this and that, we are moving away from the dreary back drops of progress and prison planetary vibrations. We are setting ourselves tasks we already agreed to upon coming back to earth. To learn to play with a good set of natural observations in all parts of the universal lore. We are so ready for change. Pitchforks, to the ready, not to hurt each other but to help each other. To join with our tribes and our communities and our hopes for a day that is now upon us, to get growing, cooking, partying, and breaking the law of man.

By creative self learning, self-care, self highest possible learning, I have found that there is no one way, no man-made law that holds real governance as we bang our heads, break down, lose our identities and rediscover there is much to be made of love. Holding love. Feeling love no matter what.

Love is ALL. Love is the way and that means we need to take account of our capacity to love without expectations, without conditions, without judgement, without compromise, and that we are now living in a time of having the masks come off each one of us as we move towards enlightenment and a call to action in the lay of the land and that man has a duty to step up and choose the right way of being and remain observing what is and how to live without blinkers.