I wrote this in France last summer…waving with happy heart, clear, strong, passionate….I asked a dear friend what he thought and he replied:
“yay, fucking ace, awesome tunes, so many things going on , sampling field recordings, tripy vibes, strong humaness, humour, chaos, bit of politics! great.
so glad you discovered or discovering your creative music side, fucking ace making music isn’t it?
I love how you can lay something down , listen to it back and then have a conversation with yourself, indirectly with a slightly older different different version of yourself, spiral of life..improving it and therefore changing yourself in the endless process, its fucking addictive and you can lose yourself in it as much as you want…time permitting [thats the hardest bit]
looking forward to hearing more :)))” Richard D. James
I am proud and pleased and ok to just get things out into the open whether they be understood or not..I have the capacity to broaden my own self learning after years of flagellating and causing a lot of self harm.
I can now fully understand that life is an unfolding process that comes to points in times of growth, and self realigning. This takes courage and interest in an authentic bridging of ones own imagination.
In the past two years I have learnt a little thing called Logic and am in a big part of my life upon learning to play piano, learning to trust that I am good enough now and that all that I have is all that I need.
In self developing, and allowing myself to publish things on my own site is a dream, though much still needs to be carefully administered and that hurts, cos a lot of the stuff behind wordpress drives me mad…grr…none the less…publishing allows the artist to feel how they wish to bring out stuff that bubbles up under the radar, surface, body, soul, spirit and as it rises, I have now a go to.
In the world of fairies, I have a very big alliance and affiliation with them.
Growing up in my childhood, meant my guides were strong in essence and they bridged strongly in my consciousness particularly in times of total rejection and pure terror as my keepers were often very tough on my little shoulders and to never know about simple wholesome values that meant I was loved, and supported, I would fall naturally in to the natural kingdoms and into my imagination dreaming of other places to live, with clean sheets, and nice bedding, pairs of matched socks and clean underwear, all these things were missing out of my childhood.
My mother was no longer around to keep me safe, and yes I know innately I chose to come back and live here with these handicaps, to grow from the constant NO, No, No.
After all, I had a lot to be grateful for, and my father always made sure I remembered my place growing up on a farm with animals and so many places to roam freely, explore and create something else, was so wonderful. His catchwords to me were: “You nearly lost me the farm”, and “If it wasn’t for Aunty Binks/Audrey, this would all be gone” as he swept his hands across the land. She, Aunty Binks, came to pass her name when we all stood in front of her on the middle sitting room with the red carpet then laid, as we were introduced from her own mouth, as she said: “You are to call me Aunty Binks”. My older 6 year old brother, Jonathan, said in a knowing voice “But you aren’t our Aunty, you are the housekeeper”, she looked at him and said: “If you don’t call me Aunty Binks, I wont answer you”. I was barely 5, Lester was 4. We didn’t understand. WE were just told by our mother, that she was the housekeeper.
Yet, in doors, a crushed aloofness was the daily grinding vibe and Aunty Binks was not kind to me, or my brothers and sister. She had no real compassion for us. It is hard to describe that sort of existence at such a close hand, and growing up in a sort of spell, a covering of shadows everywhere, and unwritten pay off was taking place that in the years to follow, it became clear, that this person who was sleeping with my father, still married at that early years to her husband, Uncle Binks, who lived in the house too, and who was carrying on with a woman named Margot, it was quite confusing, adults behaving in undercurrents of self seeking, driven by their own wants, needs, desires and outcomes. And then of course, as I was my fathers first born, I had such a connection to him, and yet, in the events that unfolded through out those years, those very short years, as it now came to pass, I shudder and I also have some compulsive love, unconditioned of course to the farm, the house, the inside, the memories of which I know will be furrowed in a set of patterns that my child like mind brings up wards.
It meant I had to do a lot of work in the years I left home. I was intense, fiery, incredibly kind and willing, I never wanted to take be a NO Man, so I became a Yes girl, which of course meant I had no boundaries and I was easily led. I would always put others in front of me. I always helped others first, thinking and feeling that I would never be like Aunty Binks.