Dearest Diary….

I send you good energy…..so it is done..

Dearest Diary…back on May 31st…it has gone so quick…I honestly had to blink twice in seeing this date hit me….we had a great’sh time in Devon with dear Aunty Shelia putting up with two great big teen gals, they sleeping in her upstairs four poster bed, and Lu and I in the room over looking that incredibly well worked upon and totally neat garden packed full of early summer flowers….I brushed hard up against my ego and it all came tumbling out with me feeling extremely paranoid and put upon when we sat down to eat at Pete and Sams and Lucille overspilled her own minksy behaviour by pouring out, ‘Did you vote Brexit?’ of which a sharp NO, we love Europe thus putting me in a strange unfoldment of politics at dinner mixed in with satanism and Coleshill of last year….All in all it naturally turned and bit me on the head with Sam slamming the table and shutting me down, stating my mouth was loud, where as I had apologised from the minute we impassed our beliefs systems and yet no, Pete, Aunty Shelia, Lucille, were all for flaming those flames and leaving me to just finally get up, and walk out, quickly saying thank you and goodbye…where upon, Eva-Marie called me and I just burst into tears with Bullit running beside me in that most picturesque village….I couldn’t really speak too much however, as Mets ran up besides me….still I just wanted to get out of that toxic environment with everyone seemingly pointing the blame game upon me…..It hurt……We all had a part to play…..I had already had stab pains in my right hand side of my front heart, a pain spiking in my lower right abdomen and my left hand side of my face wounded by inflammation possibly leaning to toothache upon my filled in porcelain tooth…..from the minute we arrived on Sunday….
I felt dejected, rejected, abandoned and utterly saddened that this stupid conflict of a great crowd of egos, and me getting very much the hard shoulder of it all….I do hold my hands over my heart in that, however family is not what it seems, though blood is thicker than water..my sadness stemmed from Pete…my dear cousin whom I have developed a sweet relationship and feel especially close to him. However he is married, and loyal and for that I have no other option, but to cry my heart out, like a wounded banshee in the arms of Aunty Shelia and release some old ills, resentments and other.

This came out….
I had written in text to Dave about the shoddy effort he had worked on in my flat back in 2013…and finally let him have it…this again pleased me, as it was long overdue and I do believe we will be friends even from such a delayed in-action for so long harbouring in my belly…again bias from others does not help….but there…Let it go Miss Manners….it is done….
I dreamt of Rima and Fifi fighting and Bob being in a back room while I tried to bathe in a bath with Bullit…I scrambled into to hold off Rima and Fifi declaring that Rima dropped me for Fifi all those years ago and that had hurt all those years ago only to be woken up by Metta-Angel crying in the bathroom from another deep wounding dream about Cameron….she is waking up and working hard upon herself from the anger that carries around in her…as she spits out foul words and directs pointedness at anyone standing in her way..as she did yesterday morning with Aunty Shelia…..She went to her meeting last night and always comes back with a new sense of renewal and faith in her stopping dope, skunk and all that is junk in her world, including the people places and things she has hung around with……She is awakening up and it hurts as she self awarely discovers the joys of being clean, and serene from that utterly foul minded drug…that has been sent to really dehumanise the youth, and cut them up blocking their hormones and gutting out their truth vibes…,.ah the mainstream drug systems is everywhere, food, pharma, pouring from the skies and much worse…….Still we are human and as 5G is now on in London, it buzzes and crackles and fizzes around us, this DEW-HAARP Tesla energy…..The Devils work it is….however I am determined to remain upbeat, keep my side of the street clean, and do my utter best in my most self assuredly and honest authentic way, to make sense of my own performance in this 21st century…..Live in my awareness of co-creativeness!


And so coming home on the train, walking through Hyde Park with Bullit and over to Watkins book store to buy a few self help books, was a good thing to do…we noticed the doggie people and ragged modern homeless, siting Bullit off lead with his donut on that is there to stop him scratching his terrible scabs…..
On arrival, home looked very clean from my massive green-clean last week before embarking this half-term and leaving our guests, who wrote a very spectacular reference of which sang to my heart, for I did work hard at impressing upon her, how London is a fine city…
I did have to clean up the moths though and out of the cupboard I found their hiding places, of which were in the sesame and pumpkin seeds and brown rice, all now gone out the window….I eventually after tidying, cleaning and eating, and watching Love in a Cold Climate, a jolly set in the mid 20th century with Celia Imrie and Alan Bates, a superb little reminder of the upper classes leading up to world war two…with The Bolter! Such fun!

And again reading my most especially fabulous book called STAR OF THE SEA, JOSEPH O’CONNOR… a rip roaring entanglement of those who left to go to America in 1847 upon that ship, and their stories in the most hideous Potato famine that beseeched and destroyed whole families in that terrible time from blight and how the English and skull-duggery Irish did not help and yet we had all the money in the world as the Victorian Industrial Empire raged creating the world we live in now….what a disgrace and yet this book is leading me to such heights in words I have and do not know. It wets my appetite to write and read more of the classics..yes the classics…….


I am thoroughly convinced by that and now that things are sort of moving towards a trajectory of healing. I shall do my upmost to remain pure, be self-aware, and live through my soul-self, not that grasping, desiring egoic mind of mine which literally wishes to keep me in full expectations and grand plans leading my I to self loathing and selfish deceptions that cannot and do not serve humanity, nature and my body! I am convinced I can do much better especially as I have a great chance of living kindly and honestly…rather than the towing and throwing of muckiness and mayhem that is everything policing the way our innate individual hearts govern.
C60 Purple Power saved the day last night! I was stocked up with pills and potions from Helen, when Greg called to see if I am up for a TT today, and so I told him my predicament with my left tooth inflammation and he advised not paracetamol or Ibrofuren , but Aspirin as it is the closest to nature…so I took that on board and just as I was finishing watching Pride and Prejudice, I remembered C60, and took the last sliver, to notice immediately my tooth ache subside and my awakening today with no pressure..however I shall be watching this….or rather feeling this….

I am off to walk in Chelsea with those unconditional doggies, the General Hank, Hugo and Blondie and gaze wonderfully at the blooming spring summer tide, with birds enchantingly singling, Stop 5G…stop it you see….the eugenistics and Bilderberg are meeting as we speak in Switzerland, bringing fourth more of their gutteral attempts to control our every thing from our hearts and minds under a false banner of Climate Change and discord pains, and all that is wrong with the world……but as my Aunty Shelia, it is as it should be…leading us all to our own perceptions…I am awake. and awakening and its painful, however I am so glad to be here witnessing this fourth dimensional industrial revoltuion…..!

Nature is the way….

The End is the Beginning….Death is Rebirth…there is nothing to fear…….but fear itself!

1 thought on “Dearest Diary….

  1. Your positivity in the light of so much negativity is inspiring. Chin up lass. Pop in for a coffee at Cafe des negociantes for a chat. John. X

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